Financial Crisis
Joke 1:
If the global crisis continues, by the end of the year only two Banks will be operational, the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank.
Then these 2 banks will merge and it will be called "The Bloody Fucking Bank"
Joke 2:
Team,
Due to the current financial crisis
facing the world at the moment,
the light at the end of the tunnel
will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.
Sincerely yours,
God
If the global crisis continues, by the end of the year only two Banks will be operational, the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank.
Then these 2 banks will merge and it will be called "The Bloody Fucking Bank"
Joke 2:
Team,
Due to the current financial crisis
facing the world at the moment,
the light at the end of the tunnel
will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.
Sincerely yours,
God
A Woman’s Facelift Story
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'
'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning Question.
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 88 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was Young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around Very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says:
'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you Tell?'
The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'
'I promise I won't' she says.
'I was behind you at McDonalds.'
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'
'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning Question.
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 88 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was Young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around Very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says:
'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you Tell?'
The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'
'I promise I won't' she says.
'I was behind you at McDonalds.'
Wassup - 8 years later
It’s been eight long years since the boys said “wassup” to each other. Even with the effects of a down economy and imminent change in the White House, the boys are still able to come together and stay true to what really matters.
Deals about job loss, war in Iraq, climate change, healthcare, economic crisis etc.
I give you the same guys 8 years earlier in "Bud" commercial
Deals about job loss, war in Iraq, climate change, healthcare, economic crisis etc.
I give you the same guys 8 years earlier in "Bud" commercial
How To Confuse An Idiot
This is an amazing story of life.
P.S. Have you tried playing this video using a different browser?
P.P.S. Still can't play it?
P.P.P.S. :)))
P.S. Have you tried playing this video using a different browser?
P.P.S. Still can't play it?
P.P.P.S. :)))
Are you innocent or filthy minded?
P.S. If you see a naughty image, you are certainly not innocent. Children will see 9 dolphins
A Condom story
WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12?
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are called condoms son, men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies,
"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March..."
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are called condoms son, men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies,
"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March..."
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